As far back as I can remember I was trying to prove my worth and do what made everyone else happy. I believed I wasn’t good enough unless others were telling me that I was. I always leaned on others to reassure me that what I was doing was ok, but I would never ask their opinion in fear of disapproval and disappointment. When criticisms came I would turn to self-doubt and destruction, telling myself how I could never succeed and how big of a failure I was, how undeserving I was of anything in my life. I had no confidence.
Living off of other’s praise and doing what would make others happy had it’s affects on me. On one hand I was living on one of my dreams; I was married and had children, but on the other hand I was dishonouring myself with my career. I was on the wrong path. I had to hit rock bottom before realizing I wasn’t doing what would make me happy. I was miserable, angry, frustrated, lashing out, and worst of all I wasn’t present with my family. I was just going through the process of life.
Like I previously mentioned my husband was the one who snapped me out of my self-destructive, deep depression. He opened my eyes that I was not only hurting myself, but I was hurting him and my children. He didn’t directly say that, but I felt it. Shortyly after I started my self-healing journey and my why.
What is your why? Do you feel so disconnected with yourself that it hurts? Is your family starting to see the affects of your pain? Are you starting to affect them? Take a deep breathe and release the guilt. It is time to reconnect with yourself again, find what you truly love to do, and most importantly find your self-love again. In the beginning it may be for others, but it won’t take long and you will love how you feel and will start doing it for you. This is all about you and finding you again, so you can be the best you, which will then be the best you for everyone that is in and comes into your life.
A really amazing tool I use for clearing negative emotion and celebrating successes is journaling. I would like to share with you something I learned at the beginning of my self-healing journey about journaling. Use a loose leaf piece of paper, the reason for this is that you are putting a lot of energy into your entries and especially at the beginning of your healing the energy can be quite unfavourable. If you do your release journals in a bound, beautiful journal, you are holding onto all that unfavourable energy and most often it is stored at your bedside. That bound, beautiful journal turns into a negative symbol and confirmation of your released feelings. I suggest doing all your release journaling on a loose piece of paper, do not reread it or you are reabsorbing that energy, and then right away safely destroy it.
As for celebration journaling; you’ve had an amazing day, you are proud that you were happy all day, you didn’t let those negative emotions overcome you, you and your kids had some quality time together, whatever it may be that made you feel so great! Especially at the beginning I recommend writing those celebration moments down right after they happen, have that list going all day and reflect on it right before bed. This is also a great tool to use when a harder moment arises through the day and you’re struggling to overcome it, reflect on your celebration list and really allow yourself to feel how amazing you felt in those moments.
Mindset is an incredibly powerful element. When your mind is not in the right place and you continue to support that mindset you are limiting and hurting yourself. When you believe you are not good enough, you are only confirming that for yourself. Even if growing up, someone said to you that you would never succeed at doing what you love it is only confirmed if you believe it. Nothing anyone else says to you is true unless you believe it. Retrain your mind, you are not that person unless you believe you are, you can do anything you want if you believe in yourself.
"Take the First Step To Insight"
Have a beautiful week!